Posted by Meriel Swain on (comments: 0)

It's not who you ARE that holds you back, it's who you think you are NOT

My true friends, those with whom I enjoy an intimate friendship, I can count on the fingers of one hand. They are the people I know who will love me, come what may, and who want the best for me. And that is totally reciprocal.

There have been many times along the way when I've looked at my friends, and marvelled at their achievements. On occasions, the marvelling has moved into a less helpful behaviour, that of measuring. I have a tendency to put people on pedestals and then measure myself against them, and from time to time, come up short (well at least that's my perspective....).

Have you noticed when you do this, how much time you spend focussing on what are NOT? I've been working with some clients recently and helping them to articulate what they like, love or are proud of about themselves. To begin with, they can't. They can only tell me all the things they are not. Then they are able to tell me what their friends would say about them, until finally we get to a point where they can say, with passion, all their great qualities. 

You can learn surprising things from watching your friends. The chances are that what they chose to do in life - facing certain fears, mastering certain challenges, or raising certain bars - are all things that you have chosen for yourself. It was part of the attraction which brought you together in the first place and is the foundation of your friendship.

So the next time you find yourself measuring and looking for all the things you are not, remember who you ARE and why your friends have chosen to share their lives with you.

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