Posted by Meriel Swain on (comments: 0)
The only person who should ever have to live by your standards, Meriel, is you. Let everyone else off the hook. Besides, it's doubtful they've lived as much, dreamt as big, or will ever be able to saunter quite like you. Tallyho, The Universe.
I love my Notes from the Universe, they are soooo thought provoking.
My partner and I recently hit one of those bumps in the road of our relationship. Don't panic, it's all good now. However it did result in a couple of weeks apart and some soul-searching for both of us about expectations.
My internal dialogue was full of words like these: "I should; he ought; I need; in future we should; if we can't do this then we shouldn't...." and so on. I spent too much time worrying about the future, creating expectations for myself and him about how our life would be, which resulted in my being unable to focus on the Now.
Spotting internal dialogue, and especially someone's language, is often the first area I cover with clients. Helping them to notice when they use words like 'Should, ought, need'. These create for us an internal expectation, which we then strive to meet. We put ourselves under pressure. No-one else, we do it to ourselves.
An alternative approach is to tell yourself that you want to, or choose to do something. This avoids the expectation and in fact simply creates a feeling of wellbeing. The added bonus is that it allows you to focus on the here and now.
I'm learning to go with the flow, to be present in the moment and avoid unhelpful expectations. Life is more fun and free from any sense of obigation.
One final note, one of the stories we often tell ourselves is "I should be able to sort this stuff out on my own."
And how's that working out so far??
I've received plenty of support along the way, it's great. Always receiving an alternative perspective. Maybe you'll seek some support out soon.....